Grandma's funeral service was beautiful and I know that she would've been pleased with it. My cousin's husband sang this beautiful hymn for the service that almost had me crying right then and there, but I didn't.
That's what I don't get. I mean, I've been fine since we got the call about her passing. I haven't been tearful and weepy like I thought I would be. Unlike some of my relatives, I didn't cry at all. But late last night, it all came down on me at once. I was sitting here at my computer watching Avenged Sevenfold videos on YouTube when it hit me. I started crying and just couldn't stop. I mean, I'm listening to the friggin' Snuggle Song and staring at Synyster Gates, for the love of God. I should be giggling and drooling (yes, I have my fangirl moments when it comes to Mr. Gates...and Mr. Vengeance) but I wasn't. I was crying like my heart had been broken into a thousand pieces and I couldn't find the Super Glue.
It took nearly an hour of crying to realize why. My grandma suffered from a lot of health problems, dementia among them. The more I thought about it, the more I understood that the woman I knew had already been gone for a very long time. She was just waiting for the rest of her to catch up. In the last few months before she stopped talking, she kept saying "I want to go home". Everyone thought she was just thinking that she still lived in Wisconsin (where she grew up). But she wasn't. She wanted to go home...home where her spirit was, the place where she could remember who she was and the life she had. The sad part is, I don't think anyone else figured that out.
On a happier note, we finally got to meet my brother's girlfriend Sue and her adorable munchkin of a granddaughter, Mackenzie. Y'all, I'd forgotten just how much fun a two year old can be...but now I remember. I also remember why I never took a nanny job that had kids under four years of age. That little girl was wound to 220 when they got here...and then Dad gave her a chocolate doughnut with raspberry filling. * shakes head * Even Mom couldn't believe he'd done that. I thought Mike was going to brain him.
We also discovered that our cats are more than willing to get soaked if it means they'll avoid the happy shriek of "Kitties!". Yeah, you guessed it. Mackenzie loves kitties...and I think she may have traumatized poor Dixie because she was hauling that little cat all over the house. But, she is a sweet kid and as cute as she can be.
Anyway, I just needed to talk and I hope y'all don't mind.
Love & blessings to everyone,
Amy
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cheerful
contemplative
creative
crazy
bouncy
bored
geeky
confused
giggly
indescribable
